wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
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