Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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