i always forget guys have bellybuttons
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
