They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
