I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
