her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
