So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
