I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
