dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
this boner is exhausting
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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