My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
