just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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