your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
