ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
i out mim tonsoeep
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