Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
