I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
