now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
