so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
