i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just googled if crying burns calories
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
