It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
