If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize