I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Randomize
