I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
