nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
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