He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
