Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
