You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
