Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
