google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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