My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
