The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
