Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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