There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
