you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
