quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
