I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
well, you know. whores of a feather.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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