The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
