it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize