i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
