he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Randomize
