she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
