His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
