conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
