my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
