I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
