Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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