I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
