it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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