You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
not ubering you a puppy
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
