Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
