so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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