I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize