i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
