you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
