i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize