using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
