I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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