Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
no more duck duck goose at the bar
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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