Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
