eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
