He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
