Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
