I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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