i think my mom watched the whole time
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
