when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
