Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
smell my finger.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
