just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize