I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
