i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
