Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
