My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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