Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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