Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
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