Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
