I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I just found puke in my bra..
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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